Don't make out with my wife yet
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
you never un-have a 4some
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