My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
there was a trapeze. enough said
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
