My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
