So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
