So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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