hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
