I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize