Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
