I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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