i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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