i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
