Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize