we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
