I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
The struggles of a small town man whore
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
