her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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