I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
