Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
