I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
