Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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