don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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