I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
