I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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