Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
