I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
that's an acceptable place to lick
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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