I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
