I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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