there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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