We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize