hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
