I am in a vortex of obligation.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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