those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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