Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
did i walk over a car last night?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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