it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
