Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
