smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
