Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
