small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
