I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
His hands were made for my vagina.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
