my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
