we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize