today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
