look no pants
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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