Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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