OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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