Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
