I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
