Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
