her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
third nipple confirmed
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
