Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
