How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
