if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
