Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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