Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
