sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize