Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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