All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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