Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
