Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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