It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
