Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
