I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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