I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
