I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
