i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
