R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
