if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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