trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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