Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize