i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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