Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
